Flower Mound Studio stands empty, echoing, and absent of any flower paintings, for the first time in years. I’m soaking up these quiet moments, forcing myself to breathe and be still. This is not easy, I’m not someone comfortable with sitting down for long spells.
Waiting is not my super power.
For now, my time is best spent examining this home where memories were made, and laughter happened, pugs played and a husband cooked, a Christmas tree twinkled, a back gate creaked and a live oak once small now stretches vast limbs in a protective canopy over a garden I’ll never see bloom again. All the tiny nuances aren’t so much about the brick and mortar of a dwelling, but vibrations of memories made under this roof.
I know from past losses how important it is to concentrate on absorbing these tangible seconds, storing this up like treasure, willing my typically unreliable memory to hold onto these memories no matter what happens between now and all the tomorrows.
Mentally, I’m letting the irises go, releasing the garden, accepting that the studio will likely become a bedroom or office, and acknowledging there will never be another easel entangled in the chandeliers or paint spattered on the shiplap. I’ll never walk into this studio again and encounter a group of women hard at work on paintings, giggling with newfound friends, eating donuts and asking when the next time the pugs will be let loose to wreak havoc around their feet.
The best thing, though, is knowing that wherever I go, my art friends, my family and my husband and pugs, will be there, too. I’m taking you with me on this next new adventure, (okay I’m scared and I want you to hold my hand!), so don’t expect long stretches of silence. I’m hoping you’ll walk with me every step of the way. Next week the final boxes will be sealed, the movers arrive, and we load up the pug-mobile for a cross-country trek. It’s definitely onward, and most assuredly upward, to a higher elevation. Look out world, the next chapter for Flower Mound Studio is about to begin!
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I know too well the pangs of moving….leaving friends, gardens & cozy spaces for new experiences, vistas & blooming flowers, new grocery stores & donut shops….and French bakeries….you’ll be fine! Those pugs will keep you laughing & Carlos will continue to make those fabulous mocha coffees with whippy cream to warm your hands & heart! We will miss you but we’ll plan to come sit on your patio & watch the stars glide around that velvet Colorado sky!
Lee I know you’ve moved quite a bit, young lady, even around the world! We are so excited you and Gary are going to come and see us, I’ve got your guest room all ready young lady!
Nancy,
As soon as the spring comes, build a greenhouse! Your soul needs to be surrounded by flowers, and a greenhouse will let you enjoy them longer. My heart aching for you, but we will all be here to “hold your hand”! Keep writing. It will help you process this. Be brave, my friend.
Love, Bonnie L Fontaine
I love that idea Bonnie, and we have lots of room for one at the new place! You are my brilliant friend, thank you for the courage! x